How to be Topp by Geoffrey Willans

Author:Geoffrey Willans
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780141932620
Publisher: Penguin Books Ltd
Published: 2009-09-12T04:00:00+00:00

Batsmanship

1. The stance 2. Left leg towards the ball

3. Eye on the ball 4. Swing of the bat

5. Well over it 6. Follow through

7. The Final Phase

CRIKET

There is only one thing in criket and that is the STRATE BAT. Keep yore bat strate boy and all will be all right in life as in criket. So headmasters sa, but when my bat is strate i still get bowled is that an omen chiz. Aktually i usually prefer to hav a slosh: i get bowled just the same but it is more satisfactory.

For the reason that it is extremely dificult to hit the ball with a STRATE BAT or not criket matches are a bit of a strane. When you are a new bug or a junior in the 3rd game it is all right becos then you can sit around the boundary and keep the score in a notebook. When you get tired with that which is about 3 minits you can begin to tuough up your frendes and neighbours who look so sweet and angelic in their clean white criket shirts hem-hem. This is super. You look up long enuff to sa Good shot, grabber or Couldn’t hit a squashed tomato and then back to the fray.

But it is a funy thing when you grow biger you always get into a criket team you canot avoid it chiz. Tremble tremble you arive and see the pitch which is 2388 miles approx from the pavilion. Captain win toss and choose to bat chiz chiz chiz chiz. Moan drone tremble tremble you sit with white face and with everybode’s knees knoking together it sound like a coconut shy. Wot is the pleasure of it eh i would like to kno. Give me a thumbscrew or slo fire every time.

When your turn come the folowing things can hapen

(A) You loose your bat.

(B) You fante dead away.

(C) Your trousis fall down.

(D) You trip over your shoe laces.

Captain then come up to you and sa BLOCK EVERYTHING molesworth and do not slosh we need 6 to win.

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